


Catch a Stag if You Can

by EmynIthilien



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Seduction FAIL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 03:30:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmynIthilien/pseuds/EmynIthilien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cersei tries but utterly fails to seduce Stannis Baratheon.  Frustrated by her failure, she devises a clever way to get revenge on the man if the occasion should ever arise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch a Stag if You Can

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for the got_exchange exchange on livejournal, http://gotexchange-mod.livejournal.com/1067.html
> 
> I originally intended this to be a humor piece, but ended up rather darker than I expected at the end. Robert comes across rather negatively here, but given that Cersei and Stannis both despise him more than probably anyone else in the series, that shouldn’t be a shock. This takes place approximately seven years before Game of Thrones.

“Were it anyone else outside the gates, I might hope to beguile him. But this is Stannis Baratheon. I’d have a better chance of seducing his horse.”  
Cersei Lannister, _A Clash of Kings_ , Sansa VI (during the Battle of Blackwater)

~

It all started when her brother made a snide comment to her after the birth of her third child and second son. Her _other_ brother, mind you, the perverse little imp who seemed to exist to aggravate her, not her handsome golden knight Jaime.

“Sweet sister, I see that you have another boy with golden hair and green eyes. He looks ever like you. And if I may say so myself, he looks just like Jaime must have at that age. I’m sure father will be pleased to hear that.”

And it wasn’t simply the implication in the words that Tyrion had said; it was the sneer that he said them with—a wide smile that made his face appear more grotesque than he already was—that unnerved Cersei.

“Jaime and I are twins; of course little Tommen looks like his _uncle_.”

“If you say so,” replied Tyrion. “I would be most interested to hear what people say when you bring another golden child into the world, with a husband with hair as black as Robert’s.”

She felt the urge to slap him, but she would not let Tyrion know how close to the mark his accusations hit. No one would dare accuse her, the _Queen_ , of infidelity—not yet at least. But if she had a dark haired little girl or boy, even those who dared before would not be able to deny that that child was a Baratheon, and thus the others must be as well. The problem was, she was so repulsed by Robert that she would sooner jump from Casterly Rock into the sea than let him have his way with her again. 

_There has to be a way around Robert...Of course! Robert has two brothers._

Renly was handsome and agreeable, but he was also very young and spent too much time at Storm’s End. While he might be tractable, there was too much risk involved with a young man who had only first started to fight with a steel sword. Stannis…Now _there_ was a possibility. Cersei had had little contact with this brother, for she had no use yet for the Master of Ships. Robert never had anything good to say about Stannis, but that didn’t necessarily mean much. She had met his wife though; Selsye Florent was an all together unpleasant woman whom even Robert wouldn’t give a second glance to.

_That might work to my advantage, thought Cersei, for what man wouldn’t want an evening with a golden lioness? And soon I’ll have a black haired child and Robert will shout up and down the seven kingdoms how he has babe who looks like him, and I can go back to loving Jaime in peace. And silence Tyrion once and for all on the topic._

So how to go about seducing Stannis Baratheon? Surely no man would deny his Queen a leisurely ride next to the sea, right?

~

“You wish to invite me on a ride this afternoon,” responded Stannis in a flat voice. “Did Robert put you up to this?”

That was not quite the reaction Cersei had expected when she had approached Stannis with her request. She had expected him to blush and the very least, as most men did when she spoke to them. Stannis was working at his desk in his solar, in a part of the Red Keep as far as possible from the King’s chambers. The room _did_ have an impressive view of the sea and the harbor entrance, so maybe that’s what had attracted the Master of Ships to it.

“Why not? In these short years that I’ve been married to Robert, I’ve barely gotten to know his beloved brothers. I consider it a tragedy that I don’t know the Storm Lords as well as I should.” She gave a demure smile.

Stannis stared at her. His face was unreadable, but Cersei knew she had the man at a loss for words. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Meet me in the stables in half an hour. Royal command. Ser Ilyn Payne will accompany us, and I wish to stay within site of the Red Keep along the shore.”

And Cersei swept out of the room before Stannis could find the words to protest.

~

It was a beautiful, warm afternoon; the type that Cersei usually enjoyed. However, Stannis hadn’t even glanced at her chest once. Generally, Cersei did wish that men would look her in the eyes more often and take her seriously _and see me as more than just a pretty face_ , but now was not the time to earn respect, it was time to awaken desire. And Stannis was being unexpectedly obstinate.

For a moment Cersei wondered if Stannis was one of those men who actually preferred other men. _That_ would be scandalous gossip all right, but even if she did spread a rumor like that it probably wouldn’t amount to much. There was no political reason to disgrace him at the moment, and his victories in the Greyjoy rebellion were still fresh on everyone’s mind. No, Cersei didn’t _truly_ think Stannis preferred other men, he was just stuck in an unhappy marriage that Robert had arranged for him and would never break his marriage vows because he would be besmirching his precious _honor_. 

Men and their honor…even Jaime would sometimes protest about it as she undressed him. If only she could convince Stannis that a man could occasionally break his vows and still be seen as a man of honor. Gods knew that Robert still thought of Ned Stark as the most honorable man in the seven kingdoms, despite Stark fathering a bastard. 

When their horses had reached the shoreline, Cersei dismounted from her horse and removed her shoes, wishing to feel the sand between her toes. She smiled at Stannis to follow her lead, which he did reluctantly. Though he kept his boots on his feet.

Cersei twirled around, laughing as the wind blew through her hair and tasting the salt of the sea. Stannis was still standing with the horses, so Cersei gave him an imperative look and held out her arm. The man slipped his arm through hers rather stiffly, but he still did it nonetheless. Now was the time to really turn on her charm.

“What’s your idea of an absolutely _exhilarating_ evening?” gushed Cersei. “Robert loves a good hunt followed by a good meal and good drink, with perhaps some dancing, which necessarily follows by a night with a lovely woman.”

Robert was easy enough to convince of anything if she just got him drunk enough; he was drunk enough to believe that he slept with her enough times to get her with child, even if he couldn’t recall the act itself. Perhaps Stannis would be easy enough to convince if she just found the right vice to exploit.

“Hunting does nothing for me, I like a good meal as well as any, dancing is utter frivolity, and you will never find me drinking like Robert. I will not stoop to his level,” stated Stannis bluntly. “Why would you even care what I would prefer to do with my own time?”

_No wonder Robert never says anything good about his brother. They have nothing in common._

“I merely wonder how different you are from your brother the king, my lord. I find that utterly _fascinating_ ,” said Cersei in a voice she hoped was as sweet as honey. She stepped closer to him.

Stannis raised his eyebrows and gave her a rather disbelieving look, while stepping back to keep the same distance between them as before. “If you must know,” he began hesitantly, “I enjoy sailing when the sky is clear and the sea is calm and the sun paints the sky a myriad of different colors. Retiring to my chambers at the end of the day with a companion or two for good conversation is also something I prefer, so I can forget all the aggravations of the day. And those things don’t happen nearly as often as I’d wish.”

Cersei stopped abruptly, completely thrown off by his answer. _He likes_ conversations? _That’s all? Not seeing tournaments, jesting with others, seeing mummer’s shows, watching beautiful women dance?_

“Surely there’s something you like to indulge in, my Lord?”

Stannis was beginning to get annoyed. Unlike Robert, his face didn’t turn red with fury—not yet, at least. “Most men indulge in any number of despicable vices. But if you insist, occasionally I’ll treat myself to a glass of summerwine in the evening, and a few times I’ve visited the family of one of my knights at his keep on Cape Wrath.”

_That’s all?_ She thought again. _What pitiful indulgences. How am I supposed to exploit that, invite him over to my balcony overlooking the sea for a conversation? What on earth would we talk about?_ She began to laugh.

“Am I amusing you, my Lady? I assure you, that is not my intent.”

Cersei smiled. “We’re by the sea right now, and the sun is due to set soon. Maybe we’ll get that painting in the sky that you talked about. Unfortunately, I don’t have any summerwine with me, but maybe there are other ways that I can get you to relax?”

And with that, Cersei softly traced the fingers of her right hand along his left arm and up to the shoulder, finally ending with cupping his cheek. Stannis was as still as a statue, save for his deep blue eyes, which followed her every move. Cersei gave a coy smile and leaned in closer, her lips lightly brushing his…but Stannis suddenly came to come to his senses and cracked, violently pushing her away from him. Cersei almost stumbled into the sand.

“What is _seven hells_ are you doing, woman? I have no interest in you or your charms, and no matter what you do I will not change my mind!” He was angry, clearly, but he wasn’t blustering about like Robert would or get into a frenzy and make threats with his sword like Jaime. His whole body had become taut, and the sharp angles of his face seemed even more prominent than before.

“If you’re worried about what Robert would think…”

“I don’t give a _damn_ about what Robert thinks unless he’s about to bankrupt or cripple the kingdom with some idiotic plan of his! You can offer me nothing that I desire beyond a pretty face, and even that will fade over time. Is there anything else I can do for you, my lady?” His voice was as cold as ice, face carved with fury.

_Why you little…_ Cersei had heard malicious things said about her before, though most were said because men and women were envious or desirous of her beauty and her position. That she didn’t mind so much, for she could turn it to her advantage and revel in it. But _never_ had anyone dared say something so insulting to her face! Stannis didn’t care for her not because he cared about upholding some silly marriage vow or avoiding the wrath of the king, but because he actually despised her character! And her beauty apparently meant nothing to him, either.

“No. You may escort me back to the Red Keep,” she said while lifting up her nose, her voice as steady as she could make it. She would _not_ let him see how much he had wounded her.

Stannis seemed agitated, and could sense that she didn’t like his answer. “Look, would you rather have had me fall all over you and profusely express my sorrow about not doing what you wished of me? I hope you are pleased by my giving you an honest response to your advances. I pity Robert.”

This puzzled Cersei, and the affront to her was temporarily forgotten. “I thought you despised him.”

Stannis ground his teeth. “I pity him because even _he_ , which all of his vices, deserves a wife who will show him more respect that you do him.”

_If only you knew the half of it. You probably do, but you just don’t care._ Cersei vowed, from that moment forward, never to have anything to do with Stannis Baratheon ever again unless she had no other option in all of Westeros.

~

“Your Grace,” said Ser Barristan, standing by Robert’s side, “Your wife was out riding with your brother today, and she was wearing…well…” He paused.

“Out with it, man!”

“A very low cut dress. And she was _looking_ at him and leaning towards him in such a way that implied…Shouldn’t you be concerned?”

“HA! That dress was wasted on Renly; he doesn’t know how to properly appreciate a woman’s cleavage yet,” laughed Robert. “Though when I was fourteen…Cersei should wear things like that more often, and get her ladies and maids to wear such dresses as well. Ah, the pleasures of summer in the South!”

“But your Grace,” persisted Ser Barristan, “The Queen was out riding with your _other_ brother.”

Robert paused. “ _Stannis?_ ” He couldn’t remember when he’d had such a good laugh. “Am I concerned? I’ll believe that the Wall has fallen before you can convince me that Stannis has designs to commit treason by sleeping with the Queen. And if he actually _did_ , mind you, I might even congratulate him!”

Ser Barristan watched King Robert chortle, utterly perplexed by the entire exchange.

~

That evening, Stannis Baratheon paid a call to Jon Arryn. An idea had been developing in his mind ever since parting ways with Cersei in the stables. It was absurd and dangerous if the wrong person ever got wind of it, but then again Cersei always had a penchant for playing with fire, much like her showy knight brother. Her behavior utterly baffled him, and he couldn’t understand why she would even _dare_ make advances on him. Him of all people! He didn’t believe there was a shred of truth in her pretense of getting to know Robert’s “beloved brothers.” Unless there was something she could gain by the whole affair, some _one_ without golden hair…

~

Many months after her ill-fitted decision so seduce Stannis Baratheon ( _even lions occasionally chase after the wrong prey_ ), she spied a knight with brown hair and a common face descend from the tower that led to Stannis’ chambers in the Red Keep. He had to be a knight, for even though his clothes were of unremarkable quality, the gray cloak with a black ship for a sigil was handsomely wrought and sword at his side identified him as someone above a mere servant or sellsword. And no servant or sellsword would ever exit Stannis’ chambers with a _smile_.

Cersei had to investigate the matter further.

“My good Ser,” she hailed at him, and waited for him to walk her way. When the knight had come within a respectful distance of her, she asked, “With whom do I have the honor of speaking to, and whom do you serve?”

“I am Ser Davos Seaworth, my Queen, and I serve Lord Stannis.” He gave a short bow.

“Do you often spend time at King’s Landing?”

“Only when my Lord Stannis requires my presence and wishes for my advice and company,” said Davos simply.

_He wishes for your company? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of Stannis wish for the company of anyone, save for the son that his wife fails to give him_. Cersei smiled, now more intrigued. “Where is your home, then? For I do not recall ever meeting Lady Seaworth here at court.”

The knight blushed and looked down at his feet. “My home is on Cape Wrath, and my wife would prefer not to come to court while some of the children are still so young. I command one of the ships in Lord Stannis’ fleet.”

_Cape Wrath. So_ this _was the knight that Stannis was so fond of, the smuggler who had won a knighthood by delivering a ship full of onions to Storm’s End during the war. And the fool who was bizarrely loyal to Stannis even after Stannis had chopped off part of his fingers in the name of justice. I wonder if he also likes sailing at sunset during calm seas…_

It was absurd, really, to think that the man in front of her was the type of person that Stannis would prefer over a beautiful lioness of Casterly Rock. That was something to keep in mind, if she ever, gods forbid, needed Stannis Baratheon for anything…or needed to blackmail him. _For even a hard lord like him would surely be weakened by the loss of a loyal friend._


End file.
